by Serena Chen, A version of this article appeared in the September–October 2018 issue (pp.116–
123) of Harvard Business Review.
When people experience a setback at work—whether it’s a bad sales
quarter, being overlooked for a promotion, or an interpersonal
conflict with a colleague—it’s common to respond in one of two ways.
Either we become defensive and blame others, or we berate ourselves.
Unfortunately, neither response is especially helpful. Shirking
more
responsibility by getting defensive may alleviate the sting of failure,
but it comes at the expense of learning. Self-flagellation, on the other
hand, may feel warranted in the moment, but it can lead to an
inaccurately gloomy assessment of one’s potential, which undermines
personal development.
What if instead we were to treat ourselves as we would a friend in a
similar situation? More likely than not, we’d be kind, understanding,
and encouraging. Directing that type of response internally, toward
ourselves, is known as self-compassion, and it’s been the focus of a
good deal of research in recent years. Psychologists are discovering
that self-compassion is a useful tool for enhancing performance in a
variety of settings, from healthy aging to athletics. I and other
researchers have begun focusing on how self-compassion also
enhances professional growth.
For nonacademics, self-compassion is a less familiar concept than
self-esteem or self-confidence. Although it’s true that people who
engage in self-compassion tend to have higher self-esteem, the two
concepts are distinct. Self-esteem tends to involve evaluating oneself
in comparison with others. Self-compassion, on the other hand,
doesn’t involve judging the self or others. Instead, it creates a sense of
self-worth because it leads people to genuinely care about their own
well-being and recovery after a setback.
People with high levels of self-compassion demonstrate three
behaviors: First, they are kind rather than judgmental about their own
failures and mistakes; second, they recognize that failures are a
shared human experience; and third, they take a balanced approach to
negative emotions when they stumble or fall short—they allow
themselves to feel bad, but they don’t let negative emotions take over.
Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas, Austin, has
developed a survey tool that assesses the three components of
selfcompassion. Researchers and practitioners have used the tool to shed
light on what personality traits and behaviors are associated with s
elfcompassion and have found, among other things, that people who
score high typically have greater motivation to improve themselves
and are more likely to report strong feelings of authenticity—the
sense of being true to the self. Both are important contributors to a
successful career. The good news is that both of these traits can be
cultivated and enhanced through self-compassion.
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